To Our Esteemed Colleague

Ingredients

— Handle of Granite State Vodka, priced at $6.79

— Leave off jacket, coat, long pants, and dignity. 


Dear old Dartmouth, give a rouse

For the young man on the green

For the ice and cold around him,

And the loyalty he has to his shorts.

For the son of old Dartmouth,

For the shins visible to all.

Though ‘round the campus he roams,

His shorts and T-Shirt remains.

He has the still North winter all around him,

The hill winds asking how he stays warm.

And the Granite State Vodka of New Hampshire

In his muscles and his veins. 

Literally there is so much Granite State Vodka of New Hampshire

In his muscles and his veins. 

Dear old Dartmouth Memes for Cold AF Teens, set a watch,

lest the world forget about that alcoholic.

Try to stand as sister stands by brother.

Dare a shot for the old warmth.

Greet the world from the hills with a hail and sneakers!

For the son of old Dartmouth,

For his poor frostbitten fingers.

Around the world they hear of him

His old grimy gym shorts

and a lack of coat and dignity.

Around the world they keep for him

Their old sad looks and keys

To keep their liquor cabinets locked.

He still has the still North in his soul,

The vodka on his breath.

And the Granite State Vodka 

Is made part of him ’til death

By cirrhosis.

And frostbite.

Please get a coat. Seriously. It’s like -14 and dropping. – Scotch Cara

1 Comment on "To Our Esteemed Colleague"

  1. Leon Mitchell | August 21, 2021 at 7:26 pm | Reply

    Dope!!!

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